Missing my Dad. Fathers Day and grief

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This poem is for everyone missing their Dad today.

Missing my Dad on Father’s Day

Father’s Day sucks when your Daddy is dead,

And memories of good times, are on loop in your head.

It makes your heart heavy and so sad you could die,

And you sit there alone in your sadness and cry.


You hear those around you, enjoying their day,

Those family groups, enthralled in their play.

You wish and you wish, as hard as you can,

That he was still beside you, that wonderful man.


He’s there in your genes, in your DNA,

He’s here in your heart, and there he will stay.

Its just there are times, you miss holding his hand,

And to hear his kind voice, you both hatching a plan,

To escape from the space, that’s bringing you down,

And go seek adventure, wherever you can.


In loving memory of my Dad, who was the best adventurer of local spaces, and could do ANYTHING! Who took me on the best walks in nature, for always taking time to listen, who showed me how to be kind to all things in this world. For his never ending patience, for his wisdom, for his kindness for his love.

Thanks Dad , I love you, I miss you, you were the best Dad ever.






Wellness Wednesday; Self Care Package for May

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It would be fair to call this a bumpy year so far, but I’ve taken a big step into self care practice and the difference is amazing. I have recently had my first Reiki treatment and it was THE most incredible healing experience ever. It has made a massive difference to my anxiety, depression and grief issues and physical pain issues too.

Now I know this is a game of managing symptoms not things that are ‘fixable’ but this is the first time I have found something that has had this much of a positive result. I felt so blissed out afterwards and had the most comforting, nurturing feeling of being held for days afterwards.

I totally agreed with the lady who suggested meditation daily would be useful for me.  The lady did a lot of grounding work with me and this is the most IN my body I’ve ever felt and in a good way. It felt like my soul had come home. Now its my job to make this body and this house a place it wants to stay in.

Goddess calls, Sound Therapy and Shamanic Drums

Recently I discovered Elen of the Ways, she is an antlered goddess, one who has associations with reindeer, following their paths and lay-lines. I have long been interested in lay-lines and dowsing with rods, and recently had help to create my own dowsing rods. I love my crystal pendulums which I regularly use too.  I have felt so lost and scattered for many years and Elen seems the perfect goddess for me at the moment and I hope we journey together for a long time.

Elen of the Ways helped me find the Reiki healer, led me to my Shamanic drum, more grounding crystals came home and I re-learnt the importance of grounding and how sound plays into that journey. Many thanks to Jonathan from Heron Drums who creates the most amazing drums, much like crystals drums seem to choose those who need them most in the moment. I am the very humble, honored owner of a reindeer drum which has a smokey quartz crystal in the lacing at the back. I cried when I heard it played. FIle it under ‘Your soul speaks only as loud as it needs for you to listen’. Lets just say if I ignore my soul she just gets louder and makes me cry when I see what I most need on my journey. Limited dexterity means I can’t play the drum for long but the sound is very grounding and she is totally going to be part of my healing journey.

I’ve put a singing bowl on the landing, which I sound when I pass it, so I take a moment or two to be with that sound and being still.

Also on the sound therapy exploration I have invested in the Koshi chimes, the first one arrived today, the Ignis, OMG its soooo soothing, so I will live on weetabix to enable me to collect the others; terra, aria, aqua too.

Some new crystals have settled here and are helping as well.

I hope this doesn’t read as a boastful brag post because it really isn’t. I have seen self care as self indulgent and felt guilty just for buying a magazine. but after the healing effect of the Reiki, I realise that self care is not just important its vital. We live in a society that expects us to keep going till breaking point. WHY???? We have been fed this idea for so long it feels like its our idea too and we are bad people if we do not or cannot keep up.

Well I’m stepping into my power and saying this is what I NEED to survive right now.

Gentle soothing sounds, rest, sleep, to be still and process.

To be cautious of who is around me, as an INJF and empath, I feel the emotions of others really strongly, often way more strongly than they do. So I need time away from others to recover from intense energies and emotions.

I don’t drink, smoke, have holidays or even go out, so I will cultivate my meditation space, create a place I want to be in; be that a womb room to feel held, a zen den to step into silence, a shamanic area to drum, a place of solace within these walls.

I need to surround myself with what make me feel safe, nurtured, held and comforted in that space because that is what I most need in this moment. Others cannot fix this for me and I need to nurture myself and surround myself with what feels healing.

I also need Reiki in my life to help me re balance, ground and make peace with this body and this time and space that I find myself in.

I hope you find what feeds your soul, makes you smile, makes right now feel possible and can go for it, or at least take some steps towards it. All we have is right now, this moment, nothing and no one is forever, please do what makes you feel safe, feel nurtured, feel honored and respected in whatever safe way you can.

Thanks for reading

May all beings find peace, love & light

Billie x


Koshi and Zaphir Windchimes; Sound Healing

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I have recently discovered Koshi Windchimes. Not sure where I first saw the name but I’m sharing some links today so you can find out more about them with me and I’ll also list UK sellers of these amazing French windchimes. Don’t look now but while writing this post, I’ve found Zaphir chimes, WOW!! Seriously wow, there may not be money for food or anything else while I fill my house with these healing sounds.

Rather than all of us having to search the whole internet for these chimes here are the stockists I’ve found so far.


Koshi manufacturers website in France

Zaphir makers website in France for information and wholesales only

Zaphire site with colours n sound demo’s

UK Sellers of Koshi chimes and of Zaphir chimes

I’m linking to home pages and then the items page, simply because home pages are less likely to change over time.


So far I have ordered one of the Koshi chimes to see what its like and how heavy it is as I have limited dexterity, I can see me ordering the other 3 in the set BUT I am also now very much in love with the Zaphir chimes, especially the Blue Moon, which I’d put in the bedroom, Sunray for the dining room and Sufi for the meditation space.

This latest obsession is going to get expensive…but oh my do they sound tranquil and I really need tranquil in my life, don’t you?

The Sound travels website seems to have the easiest links to what they all sound like next to the koshi right next to the product, Windchimes corner also have sound demos one by one next to each chime too. but I put a couple of video links in as well.

So if you need some sound healing in your life, I invite you to have a ponder on these and have a search on You Tube for the amazing sounds they make.

May we all find a safe place to rest and the time we need to heal.

Peace, love light and thank you for reading

Billie x


Koshi were not too heavy, the Ignis (fire) one was so nice I ordered the other three from Windchimes corner and they arrived safely today and played in pairs they are even more divine. If you struggling with a lot of stress I highly recommend giving these a try for soothing moments of tranquility.

Koshi are quite simply BLISS.

It would be nice to find a small footprint stand that allowed them to be played in situ. I saw a stand on one of the sites above but it looked like the chimes tag at the base was resting on the floor so that would effect the free flow for me a bit.



Wellness Wednesday: Art Saves

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Today I’d like to share some places I’ve found to help me follow my bliss in the Art Saves category. I need art like I need air. I don’t often have the mojo or energy to create but I still need art, to watch others create, to read about it, or sometimes just sitting with an open box of crayola crayons drinking in that soothing smell.

Here are some places you can find some art bliss.

Kelly Rae Roberts is a wonderful artist, her book Taking Flight; Inspiration and techniques to give your creative spirit wings was a real life changer for me, its what gave me the courage to start my other blog Billies Craft Room ten years ago. I was just in the right place at the right time recently to be able to take her up on her special offer price for all her online classes. I’ve wanted to take her Mixed media Matras classs for so long and as soon as I heard her read a chapter from that book, I cried, remembering all the reasons I loved her book and the reasons I love art, need art and created the other blog. It brought me home to my art.

Jane Davenport: PLEASE if you haven’t found her before and you like the idea of using your art stash instead of collecting it and stroking it from time to time, please come visit her site. Oh how I wish she had been my teacher in school, she is so empowering and inspiring.

Book: This is the latest book to my art collection; ‘Create Your Life Book’ by Tamara Laporte.


Follow your bliss, do what makes your soul sing, and your heart flutter in a good way. We might not be able to escape the anxiety, depression and grief right now, but having a soul food parcel of things that help us hold safe space for ourselves, to honor the feelings and have a safe way to express them without judgement, correction or shame can sometimes really help.

Not ready to create from scratch but still want to play? I give you permission to purchase one of the colouring books meant for grown ups with patterns, or animals or whatever calls to you, and raid the kids pencils cases, or treat yourself to some pencils or pens or paints, meditation for the soul doesn’t always have to be cross legged on the floor. It can also be curled up on the sofa with a colouring book and pencils. Please feel free to follow what you are called towards, that makes this moment feel softer.

Best wishes and thanks for reading, see you soon



Meditation Monday: Follow your bliss

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I am in a state of bliss atm, just got my Yinyang tattoo a few days ago and I feel so connected, content and loved right now. This is not a feeling I am used too, but it is very nice.

I’m not one who has found it easy to exist in this body, it is a form with many limitations, and a lot of physical and mental pain, so I retreat to my head a lot. Yet here too there is often little peace. Tattoos are helping me heal my connection to this body and they are helping so much.

It surprises me that I have tattoos, for one thing I HATE with a passion needles and normally I do all that I can to come in contact with them, but thanks to numbing cream this has allowed me to add life lessons to my body in the form of tattoo’s which are helping me view this skin as a safer place to be, with the life lessons I am adding to it, it now becomes a sanctuary, one I can check in with my ink to remind me of what is most important.

Heart Tattoo

This was my first ink, just a little one, see how it went, see if I could hack the pain and get more. But its the meaning behind it that is important.To come at things from a place of love not a place of fear. As someone who lives in an almost constant place of anxiety, trying to remember that I was loved and that I too deserve kindness, love and respect is a lesson I often forget. When I see this heart, it reminds me to stop and ask, is my reaction coming from a place of love or a place of fear. If it comes from a place of fear, it reminds me to stop and wait till I can connect with a softer emotion. That it is ok to hide n wait.

YinYang Tattoo

This is the one I just got. I have a lot of connections to this ink. It took a while to decide if it was right for me, but the time taken to ponder, to journal helped me find out what it would mean to have this on my skin

Life lessons

  1. A friend once told me that however dark the night gets, the sun will still rise in the morning. (Thanks A). This phrase has helped me a lot, in those long dark nights of the soul.
  2. This symbol has connections to Zen Buddhism and Tao which I’m interested in learning about. It has connections to my late husband too, but he wouldn’t want me to get ink FOR him, he’d want me to get it for me. Like the previous reason, its a lesson that nothing is forever. No one is forever, impermanence and change are the constants in life. The only control we have is our reaction to those situations. Everything that is born, will one day die. I have lost too many people very close to me and carry that pain close to my heart, I still have anger, grief, sadness. But the impermanence teaches that in time all things will pass. This too shall pass, is a phrase I used to have written on my mirror.
  3. There is no shadow without the light. I want this ink to remind me that the ‘black dog’ I fight with, dislike, would like to be rid of, is just another of those things that I have to live WITH, its not something I can outrun, outwit. Like the hyperflexing, like the sensitivity to others energy its something that is about learning about what triggers it, and working WITH it, to find a manageable co habitation.

Am I ready to embrace n love my darkness, no, I’m still processing, still learning who I am, what I want or don’t want. what I like or don’t like. What I will have to carry along with me and what is safe to set down and let time and space heal. As someone whose defalt setting is making sure everyone else is ok, stuff the consequences to me, its difficult to shift a bit to, letting my needs get on the list too.

I like that these images will last my life time. That  when gravity gets too heavy I can look at my yinyang and ask ‘what does this situation need to find balance, do I need to take action or wait it out. That I can look at my arm and say ‘You were loved’.

The next tattoo I want to get is of an Enso.

In Zen the closed circle represents enlightenment, completion. The open circle, that you are on the path to enlightenment but are still learning still growing.

For me this one sums up perfectly the tag line from my other blog; ‘Its all about the journey’.

All we have is right now, this second, this moment. That this moment is a sentence, in the chapter not the whole story. What can I do to make this moment feel softer?

Like the Olly Anna song says: ‘I’m the only one who can write my story, ain’t nobody else that will do that for me.’


Here is a wonderful video by Chungliang Al Huang who explains about the background to Yinyang. Please watch this video makes you feel so alive.

Here is a video talking about Enzo in Japanese Zen

I’m on the path to accepting and embracing who I am, working it out step by step, day by day, lesson by lesson. Feeling my way through this journey of life, isn’t pleasant experience but its the path I’m on, so I seek to tread carefully and with love and respect for all.

Best wishes and thanks for reading, see you soon





Poem A Day April 2018 and healing


Is this really the first post of the year?! Suffice to say its been that kinda year, nuff said. Heads up for Aprils Poem a Day challenge over on the awesome Writers Digest website.


These wonderful people have a challenge in April and November where they post a prompt every day. The rest of the year its a promt on Wednesdays for poetry. I’m not good with deadlines, so tbh I tend to make note of them in a little book and go to them when I am in a calmer headspace.

I’m not one of those people who sit down to write poems, my poems tend to pounce on me, I’m feeling a certain feeling, words swirling like bee’s in my head then sometimes, suddenly they seem to start flowing together and I think, ohh I quite like that, lets write it down. For me its quite a healing thing writing, journalling, poem-ing (its prob not a word but I am calling it that, coz Im sure I’ ve read that somewhere or other. If its a thing do let me know 🙂

Art Saves

In other news (as its been so long) I’ve been reading a truely awesome book called ‘What your clutter trying to tell you?’ OMG life changer, game changer. I have a lot of stuck energy, a lot of things I no longer want or need yet feel too attatched to to, let them go somewhere else. That book is really helping me re frame.

What has this to do with art??? Well it brought me back to someone who changed my life and gave me the courage to start my other blog Billie’s Craft Room, gee almost 10 years ago now! Her name Kelly Rae Roberts.


Decluttering is still a challenging process for me, and although after a while the open space it creates ultimately feels good, in the short term it is painful. I need time to mentally grieve for stuff I ‘have to let go of’ and it needs a cry, a sleep and to be honoured, not corrected n told off. I do that a lot to myself and want a kinder approach.

As a result I took March as a month for ‘me’ for self care and kindness. I’m processing a lot of pain atm and selfcare and ‘me’ anything is just not something I do. But after someone treating me very badly it taught me once and for all that there are worse things than being alone, and that’s being around people who judge, correct and shame me when they have no clue of what things are like or feel like. I loved the phrase about parenting yourself and understanding that endings hurt and to go slow and gentle.

What did self care look like, {shuffles feet} a heck of a lot of manifesting! I know classic horder, get stuff out of the house and the instant reaction is replace is asap, but I was creating tlc sacred space, working out what I NEED to feel nurtured, honoured and loved. For me it was much as it has been since a child, not people but books, art supplies, and a card deck or three.

You want to know what or which? Please leave a comment to ask me as I will share if asked but don’t want this to turn into a ‘look at all my stash’ kinda post. I plan to blog a bit more to share ‘stuff’ that has been part of my healing journey. I write when I can, but the ‘black dog’ has been flattening me this year and it takes a lot of energy to wrestle with it.

Kelly Rae Roberts

This is WAY too late in the post to get to this but if you haven’t heard of her before please, please check out Kelly Rae Roberts, she is a mixed media artist and her courses are SO healing. I started her Wear You Joy eclass as I quickly read between the lines and saw it was about much more than the contents of your wardrobe and more about finding who you are right now and that is very much the page of discover and healing I’m trying to process at the moment. Kelly Rae also had an awesome offer which at last I was in the right place at the right time to jump in with  and bundled her Mixed Media Mantra class and her Angel mantras. I’ve wanted to do those two classes for SOOOO long.

Thank you Kelly Rae for your special offers and to the Universe for waking me up in time for the deal.

Susannah Conway: Your Souls Speaks

Online class about listening to your intuition. Wonderful, I’ve been saving the emails as got poorly and couldn’t process when it was live but its waiting for me and I love it. Again very much tlc.


Most of the time its the voice that says; couldn’t shouldn’t mustn’t, can’t, that wins but for March I tried a quieter one that said: ‘Just say yes’. My heart, my soul and my intuition do nudge me toward good things, happy things, kind things but the negative voice mostly wins. My word for the year is ALLOW, so for a month I stepped out of my own way and treid to do just that; Allow.



Unravel Your Year 2018

Welcome Back

I just popped by to let you know about a wonderful project by Susanna Conway called Unravel you Year and her amazing workbook for helping you find your Word for 2018.

All Available from her website Susannah Conway on her blog page.

They are a wonderful project, really healing. Do have a good look round her website while your over there she has so much delicious soul healing things to read on there.

I hope you can find somewhere warm n cozy to wait out the winter and await the suns return after the winter solstice 21 December. I have been following the Wheel of the Year since last October and its been amazing. Following and honoring each season has been really healing.

If you feel drawn to gathering ‘virtually’ rather than in person there is a wonderful circle over on Beth Owl’s Daughter blog; its caled The 2017 Solstice Sun wheel

Huddling under a blanket to avoid the drafts as best I can, wishing you all Peace, Love n Light.

Namaste and thanks for reading

Billie x