I am in a state of bliss atm, just got my Yinyang tattoo a few days ago and I feel so connected, content and loved right now. This is not a feeling I am used too, but it is very nice.
I’m not one who has found it easy to exist in this body, it is a form with many limitations, and a lot of physical and mental pain, so I retreat to my head a lot. Yet here too there is often little peace. Tattoos are helping me heal my connection to this body and they are helping so much.
It surprises me that I have tattoos, for one thing I HATE with a passion needles and normally I do all that I can to come in contact with them, but thanks to numbing cream this has allowed me to add life lessons to my body in the form of tattoo’s which are helping me view this skin as a safer place to be, with the life lessons I am adding to it, it now becomes a sanctuary, one I can check in with my ink to remind me of what is most important.
This was my first ink, just a little one, see how it went, see if I could hack the pain and get more. But its the meaning behind it that is important.To come at things from a place of love not a place of fear. As someone who lives in an almost constant place of anxiety, trying to remember that I was loved and that I too deserve kindness, love and respect is a lesson I often forget. When I see this heart, it reminds me to stop and ask, is my reaction coming from a place of love or a place of fear. If it comes from a place of fear, it reminds me to stop and wait till I can connect with a softer emotion. That it is ok to hide n wait.
This is the one I just got. I have a lot of connections to this ink. It took a while to decide if it was right for me, but the time taken to ponder, to journal helped me find out what it would mean to have this on my skin
- A friend once told me that however dark the night gets, the sun will still rise in the morning. (Thanks A). This phrase has helped me a lot, in those long dark nights of the soul.
- This symbol has connections to Zen Buddhism and Tao which I’m interested in learning about. It has connections to my late husband too, but he wouldn’t want me to get ink FOR him, he’d want me to get it for me. Like the previous reason, its a lesson that nothing is forever. No one is forever, impermanence and change are the constants in life. The only control we have is our reaction to those situations. Everything that is born, will one day die. I have lost too many people very close to me and carry that pain close to my heart, I still have anger, grief, sadness. But the impermanence teaches that in time all things will pass. This too shall pass, is a phrase I used to have written on my mirror.
- There is no shadow without the light. I want this ink to remind me that the ‘black dog’ I fight with, dislike, would like to be rid of, is just another of those things that I have to live WITH, its not something I can outrun, outwit. Like the hyperflexing, like the sensitivity to others energy its something that is about learning about what triggers it, and working WITH it, to find a manageable co habitation.
Am I ready to embrace n love my darkness, no, I’m still processing, still learning who I am, what I want or don’t want. what I like or don’t like. What I will have to carry along with me and what is safe to set down and let time and space heal. As someone whose defalt setting is making sure everyone else is ok, stuff the consequences to me, its difficult to shift a bit to, letting my needs get on the list too.
I like that these images will last my life time. That when gravity gets too heavy I can look at my yinyang and ask ‘what does this situation need to find balance, do I need to take action or wait it out. That I can look at my arm and say ‘You were loved’.
The next tattoo I want to get is of an Enso.
In Zen the closed circle represents enlightenment, completion. The open circle, that you are on the path to enlightenment but are still learning still growing.
For me this one sums up perfectly the tag line from my other blog; ‘Its all about the journey’.
All we have is right now, this second, this moment. That this moment is a sentence, in the chapter not the whole story. What can I do to make this moment feel softer?
Like the Olly Anna song says: ‘I’m the only one who can write my story, ain’t nobody else that will do that for me.’
Here is a wonderful video by Chungliang Al Huang who explains about the background to Yinyang. Please watch this video makes you feel so alive.
Here is a video talking about Enzo in Japanese Zen
I’m on the path to accepting and embracing who I am, working it out step by step, day by day, lesson by lesson. Feeling my way through this journey of life, isn’t pleasant experience but its the path I’m on, so I seek to tread carefully and with love and respect for all.
Best wishes and thanks for reading, see you soon