Bereavement

Here you will find links to books, blogs and resources that have helped me with my grief journey. Everyone’s journey through grief is as unique as they are, but I hope you find some solace and words of hope within these places. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Blogs

  • Planet Grief This blog is excellent, it is the story of one woman’s journey through life after being dumped onto Planet Grief. Planet Grief is where newly widowed people find themselves as it sure doesn’t feel like the world we were used to before our loved one passed, nor does it feel like the ‘real world’ everyone else inhabits. Really reassuring and safe to read even from your earliest days on PG.
  • Refuge in Grief. (I’ve just started her Write your Grief e-course, I was nervous before the start and I’m 2 years into my grief but this is helping so much, no one lets me tell it like it is, to be real, at least I can spill all I need to in MY journal, no judgment, just truth.) If you read the class description, cry and say that’s just what I need, then  you are probably right.
  • Susannah Conway Author of the book Notes on Unravelling, she lost her husband young too, so I really related about her. This blog is a healing place, and she has some really good looking e courses too. I’m just about to do one, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Books

  • I wasn’t ready to Say Goodbye. Surviving , coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one. by Brook Noel & Pamela D. Blair, PHD. If your loss was sudden, I highly recommend this book, its is ok to have this from the early days of your grief and useful not just for the bereaved person, but also if you are helping someone else through a loss. Practical advice for what needs to be done and it really holds your hand when you think you are going crazy and can’t make sense of the world.
  • When things fall apart; Heartfelt advice for difficult times Not specifically relating to grief but supportive of change and how difficult it is to get used to new situations. Very healing and supportive.
  • When Bad things happen in good bikinis; Helen Bailey author of Planet Grief has written this book about her bereavement.
  • Notes on Unraveling by Susannah Conway. I started reading this 18 months into my stay on planet grief, I was ready to read it then. Its about finding your feet after loss, and recognizing how life changing grief is. Susannah lost her husband too, so her story really spoke to me.
  • Grieving Mindfully. A compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss by Sameet M. Kumar. (A well written book, but I struggled with the embracing the moment, and living in the now as that was what was causing me most pain) It may be one to revisit later into my grief. If your pain is new and still raw, this isn’t the one I’d turn too. However if you have some distance between the event and now and want to look for different ways of living with your loss longer term, then that would be the point at which this book may feel more possible.

Help and Guidance

  • Cruse Bereavement care Counseling in person, over the phone but also email support too. I contacted them within months of my loss and they were really supportive. If you need to talk and those around you aren’t able to support you in that way, please do get in touch with them.
  • The Loss Foundation.org
  • Finding a counsellor
  • SupportLine this site covers many issues not all related to bereavement but the link I put here is bereavement page.
  • Widowed and Young: WAY. If you are looking to connect socially with others in your area in a similar situation this will help you do that.  (Wasn’t for me, with agoraphobia and social phobia) This seems to be about finding people to socialize with, who have also lost partners.

When you don’t have the words to explain how it all feels to others

There are times when  grief is overwhelming and exhausting, when you can’t make words, let alone sentences, the last thing you need is the platitudes offered as ‘help’ that can feel so hollow when you have the least resources to fight them off, they just hurt.

Below are a couple of options for some coping strategies to get you through and maybe show to those around you whose ‘help’ isn’t helping.

What I feel I need is a witness, not a judge, the last thing I need, is to feel judged by those around me. I feel how I feel, and a lot of the time, I don’t feel like I have any choice in how I feel.

I need to be listened to, held, just be there and you don’t even need to talk, in fact its often a lot better if you don’t talk, as sometimes what you say hurts, and I can’t defend myself right now. Also when you say ‘I know and launch into your story’ just know, I can’t carry your story as well as mine, right now. Agree with me, share this pain, but making it about you hurts too. I am not mean, I am processing or NOT processing I can’t take on more right now.

Like someone wise said, ‘Its not selfish its self preservation!’

  • Grief and the Terrible Holidays. Huffington Post entry about some strategies worth trying to help you get through ‘the season’
  • You Can’t fix this, how to try to explain how grief feels to those who don’t get that ‘You can’t fix this’.

 

I hold a safe place for you, for you to feel how you feel, I can’t fix this, no one can. But I can sit beside you and we can share space and air, so perhaps you feel less alone where you are.

Thanks for reading

Namaste x

 

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2 thoughts on “Bereavement

  1. Pingback: Reasons to Stay Alive and other life changing books | A Space to Heal

  2. Pingback: Poetry: Grieving | A Space to Heal

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